Coaching Framework
Suicide is the second leading cause of death for ages 10 to 24 and the third leading cause among ages 25 to 44, and a leading reason is that people do not know how to recognize and respond to people who are Fragile, who are struggling. Suicide is the ultimate action someone takes to escape their pain; many more lives are taken by addiction and other destructive behaviors because so many people are seeking a way to escape their pain - and because they feel alone in their pain. The premise of March 4ward coaching is to help each person be a “first responder” - the first person on the scene of distress - a position we are all likely to find ourselves in at some point. If we can teach people to recognize choking and give them the skill of the Heimlich Maneuver to respond, if we can teach people to recognize a heart attack and give them the skill of CPR to respond, then we can teach people to recognize emotionally Fragile and suicidal people who are in pain, and give them the skills to properly respond.
The foundation of preparing individuals to help others begin to March 4ward involves teaching them to recognize signs, broadly assess the underlying causes, and discern which tools to use in responding. This includes equipping individuals to do this for themselves first, and then for others. The structure that encompasses these elements includes an action model of “Look, See, Ask, Tell, Do” and a diagnostic model for those who are “Fragile.” This well-organized, easy-to-teach, trauma-responsive framework allows most every adult to become equipped - with training - to support struggling colleagues, clients, students and friends, and to perhaps even be the person who is able to save another from ending his or her life by suicide.
three levels of defense
Level 1: First, we ensure all participants understand the objective reality of Suicide and of being Fragile. We collectively look at key statistics, such as the ones included here, and walk through an exercise that helps everyone internalize how close and how serious this is to each of our lives.
How is it that America realized seat belts needed to be developed and laws needed to be implemented to require them? America studied and internalized the numbers of deaths from car accidents - and, refused to accept them as unchangeable.
Level 2: Next, we learn how to self-assess our own emotional thermometers. How that is learned and determined is outlined more below. We collectively learn the importance and approach to completing our own Personal Mental Wellness Plan - our personal seat belt in place to keep us safe for times when - not if - we are in a Fragile place. The Personal Mental Wellness Plan is intended for pre-teens through adults. There is also a Child’s Personal Mental Wellness Plan for preschool and elementary age children to be completed and used with adult support.
At this time, we also provide guidelines and language for having the sometimes-hard discussion about mental health and suicide within our families, and for creating a “suicide-free” zone as appropriate. We have been challenged as parents to have hard conversations around “stranger danger,” technology use, drug and alcohol use and abuse, and more. Because the numbers provide evidence of rising concern, suicide is now also a conversation that must be had in every home. The “‘s’ conversation” has moved on from the sex conversation to the suicide conversation.
Level 3: Finally, we ensure all have the tools to recognize and respond to others when they are Fragile, to help them from becoming potentially Suicidal. We move now into the model of the American Heart Association with CPR-level training. That is: When there is “a wreck,” when someone is facing trauma or struggle or pain, how do we triage and help? Do we have the CPR-like training needed to Look, See, Ask, Tell and Do for others? This is the final step in March 4ward trainings.
Look, See, Ask, Tell, Do
When we see a person exploding in anger or retreating in isolation, most of us think, “What’s wrong with that person?” In a world where we keep ourselves busy, keep up with appearances, and keep out of “intruding” on others’ personal business, that is the common learned response. The first step in March 4ward trainings is to re-learn how to respond to those first signs, asking “What happened to them?” and “What is their pain?” In this way, the lay people first on the scene learn to Look more carefully at those around us, and to recognize signs and symptoms of pain. The next natural step is to See that the person is in pain and struggling. We also learn to have this dialogue internally: Am I struggling? Am I in pain?
Sometimes, the processing of noticing pain should require a very basic level of Looking. Anyone who has experienced the following is in a fragile state, no matter how well they may be appearing to mask their pain.
Survivors of someone who has died by suicide
Survivors of the sudden death of a loved one
Survivors of mass shootings
Individuals diagnosed with a serious illness and their family
People who have lost their job, marriage, etc.
Anyone who has experienced any kind of recent trauma
From there, the framework moves into more active states. Together, we learn what to Ask, and how to ask it. It is by this step, if not by the second, that we can know if a person is in a “Fragile” state, and what their pain is (or, what our own pain is).
Then we learn what to Tell the person - most important being that they matter, and they are not alone! We also learn to discern who else we may need to tell to have a full support team in place. If the person who is struggling is you, then we learn to Tell others.
Then it comes time to Do, to take steps with and for the person to ensure that they are heard and know that there is hope for relief from their pain. The coaching process includes a careful study of concrete tools to be used so that trainees will feel confident that they will know what to do throughout the process of supporting someone through and out of their struggle.
TYPICAL state
Under a “typical” model, a person’s Energy is well-balanced and aligns with his or her Choices and Values to support a life Vision. Where a person’s Energy is not in a “Fragile” state, this is the coaching model used to move individuals toward their Vision:
Fragile State
When we Look and See that a person is in a Fragile state, then we move to a model of support. There are three “chips” to each person’s Energy: Dark (destructive and isolating), Light (nurturing and rewarding), and Parent (self-aware and strategic). Where people have an “engine” fueling their Dark chip, the model shifts. Their Dark energy’s engine can be driven by three broad sources of pain: Adverse Childhood Experiences, Depression, and/or Trauma. These are not exclusive of one another, and may all be present at the same time.
Individuals whose Energy is controlled by one or more of these sources of pain typically have oversized Dark energy chips, are emotionally fragile and should be handled with the greatest of care. This does not mean “walking on eggshells” to avoid triggering them; it does mean approaching them with the greatest of care upon entering into their space to let them know they are not alone and to begin responding with help. The Energy component must be addressed first to help them move from an unhealthy to a healthy balance.
ACE
ACE refers to Adverse Childhood Experiences and is one of the three risk factors for the red “engine” attached to Dark chip Energy. A large-scale CDC-Kaiser study identified 10 areas, experienced before the age of 18, as “ACEs.” The study found that adults with 4 or more ACEs had significantly higher rates of mental and physical health issues as adults.
Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
DEPRESSION
Depression refers to the clinical diagnosis of a person with a chemical imbalance in the brain affecting mood regulation. A person may actively exhibit depression, or may carry depressive tendencies from prior diagnoses or family history of depression. Those who receive March 4ward training learn to recognize outward signs of it and how to use the Pfizer Patient Health Questionnaire as a resource for further assessment.
TRAUMA
Trauma refers to a recent highly stressful and negative life event. This includes major illness, divorce, legal or financial trouble, and death of a close family member or friend. If a person is in trauma from an immediate event, they are considered “Fragile.” Coaching participants are trained to utilize the Holmes-Rahe Stress Inventory to be sensitive to the sources of trauma plus other events that are not traumatic, but that are major stressors known to have similar behavioral and health implications (marriage, pregnancy and retirement, for example).
Suicidal State
Think of the difference between Fragile and Suicidal as levels on a thermometer. A person who is Fragile already is running a fever; if not tended to, that can escalate to a critically high fever - Suicidal.
The number of risk factors present raises the fever. A person with an ACE score of 4 or higher, depression and recent trauma will be at greater risk than a person with only recent trauma. These three factors are not exclusive and compound each other; for each one present, the fever rises, the risk rises.
March 4ward training equips people with training, tools and practice to be able to differentiate the signs of Fragile and Suicidal, and to know how to respond accordingly. This includes that audience members learn to be aware of when “Fragile” reaches its extreme state with suicidal ideation.
Here, participants are trained to use the Columbia Protocol to assess further, as well as given specific tools and professional resources for ensuring a person’s safety. Whenever possible, it is absolutely critical to recognize and respond to darkness before it escalates to the extremely fragile state of suicidal thoughts.
Moving beyond
Once a person’s Energy balance is restored by supporting them and guiding them in the use of tools to manage the ACE, Depression, and/or Trauma fueling the darkness of their Energy, then they will be equipped to begin leading a more meaningful, Vision-focused life. The process of being supported by a March 4ward trainee empowers them with knowledge and tools; as a result they learn how their “engine” works, how to drive it, and how to maintain it. The Energy component must be managed out of a critical state first though, and that is the element on which March 4ward focuses. Additional training in Vision-based coaching can be discussed and provided to appropriate audiences as a follow-up to this training.